I Will Eat


album: Venus EP

artist: Lazlo/Kistehen

year: 2012


One of my favourite songs of all time: a wry, funny song that drops another subtle socio-political bomb. Keep eating, folks, while you can.


I was walking one morning
When I stopped for a coffee and cake
The milk there was sour
and the chocolate in my biscuit was fake
I take me a shower
Feel the milk running down my hair
Now the waitress is screaming
As I’m eating the table and chair:
I’m a freak in a bible scene.

So I eat what I can
til I’m eating everything I can see
With a mouth in my hand
I understand what it is to be free
The bus is free to eat everyone on board
The priest is even freer cos he eats the Lord
So I will eat everything that I see
Before it eats me.

I believe in Jaguars
I believe in chocolate bars
I believe in looking better trying better
Living better betting liver giving head
And dying sooner better.

When you consume you’re a child
And the world’s made of sugar and sex
You’ve got room in your tummy for pilots and jumbo jets
No need to diet and get depressed

Live in sects die in sects
Live in sex die for sex
Sugar tax sex attacks taxi cabs cabbage patch
Sugar sugar sugar daddy
Sugar sugar sugar child
Sugar style sugar dial
I want to eat my bicycle

The doctor says I’m whole
But I can’t find my soul
The doctor says I’m whole
But I can’t find my soul


No other artist out there comes close to his unique mix of apocalyptic comment and razor-sharp humour, AltSounds