album: Venus EP

artist: Lazlo/Kistehen

year: 2012


How many artists write tender, funny transgender love songs? I wish there more artists around like him.


My girl
with a penis.

Miss Aphrodite woke up one morning
Stood in her nightie, tired and yawning.
Washes her face in front of the mirror,
Just an ordinary day.

Come in Mars - he’s in his pyjamas.
He’s kamikaze but not into dramas.
Feels the sun coming in through the window:
She’s got something important to say.


She says ‘The Gods must have been calling
On you and I this glorious morning.
I hope this thing won’t coe between us
Except on a Saturday night.’

Yes Mr Mars is also a woman
And Mrs Venus is also a man
So the two of them laugh,
He takes her in his arms,
His heart in the palm of her hand.


The lovers meet one might in Piccadilly.
Salt beef on rye with piccalilli
He’s looking as handsome as a soldier
She’s glamorous like Marilyn, dress off the shoulder.
She feels a cigarette butt on her neck.
A voice says ‘Faggot I’ll teach you respect!’
The crowd screams as one
As a gunshot rings the air
Leaves them on a wing and a prayer.



There hasn’t been a good song about a female with the male genitalia since Goldie Lookin’ Chain’s smash hit Your Mother Has a Penis, Rock Reviews 24/7